LOVE AFTER LOVE
The time will come
when, with elation,
you will greet yourself arriving
at your own door, in your own mirror,
and each will smile at the other’s welcome,
and say, sit here. Eat.
You will love again the stranger who was your self.
Give wine. Give bread. Give back your heart
to itself, to the stranger who has loved you
all your life, whom you ignored
for another, who knows you by heart.
Take down the love letters from the bookshelf,
the photographs, the desperate notes,
peel your own image from the mirror.
Sit. Feast on your life.

Derek Walcott

In his book, How To Love, the world renowned Zen teacher, Thich Nhat Hanh, asks the question, “How can we help our hearts to grow?” HIs answer is to learn the art of nourishing love.  He says, “Understanding someones suffering is the best gift you can give another person. Understanding is love’s other name. To love without knowing how to love wounds the person we love. To know how to love someone we have to understand them.”

Our landscape of love is a result of how we first felt it.  We began life experiencing love only as something that was given to us.  As we grew and matured we discovered that we can also give love.  But, if our parents didn’t understand that love is an offering, not a bargain, how do we learn to love?

For most of us our closest companion is our self. The most valuable gift we can give to ourselves is to understand our own suffering. The beginning of love is telling ourselves the truth. If you can develop compassion for yourself, you can learn to accept yourself, and when you accept yourself, you heal yourself. All of us have reasons for who we are today. Learning in our own way how to live our lives, we’ve all made mistakes. In the end we will only regret the chances we didn’t take, the decisions we waited too long to make and the relationships we were afraid to have. Only when you learn to love yourself can you truly love another person.

However, truth is not only expressed by the things we say, but through our actions and actions often speak louder than words. An Italian friend of mine says, “Between saying and doing many a pair of shoes are worn out.” If what you say isn’t what you do, you don’t really mean what you said. In an age of texts, tweets, status updates and emoticons, we are drowning in a sea of words unaccompanied by gestures – a hug, a kiss, a hand held, a written letter – gestures of love. We learn by doing. Choose a path with heart. Be the person you want to spend the rest of your life with.