“Life is not measured by the number of breaths you take, but by the moments that take your breath away.”
Anonymous
This year is drawing to a close and I’m left with an abundance of moments and a lot of questions. Some moments are like fairy lights strung across my life – delicate and fragile structures that hold me together, while some questions are like zen koans, rarely answered, thoughtfully contemplated, and occasionally understood. 
Being in the present moment is one of my biggest challenges because I am constantly trying to find the meaning of my entire life, a paradoxical collection of past, present and future moments, even though I know the here and now, is the only moment I have…In the present moment my soul is weightless as a feather, flowing as water, simple. I’m not sure which is more beautiful – the present moment or the moment that has faded into the sepia tones of the past.
This year people I thought I knew surprised me. Conclusions I made about myself and others easily collapsed in my longing for certainty. These moments were like once in a blue moon experiences – they arrived quickly and disappeared before I knew it. I am constantly learning to let go.
My questions have only been contemplated, so far. I gather them up each year like people’s stories. the poetry of ordinary life, sacred geometrical clues noted in my journal. When do pigs fly? Where does time go? Why can’t you take back words? Is everything you think you see clearly, true? If you don’t know where you’re going, will any road take you there? What is left to say?
Not that long ago I was sitting at my kitchen table after having had a particularly emotional day watching some birds, looking for an answer, a sign. The birds were Mésanges, and they flew from a shrub in the garden to the iron table on the patio, then flew just up to the window, hovered, and picked off the last of the season’s daddy long legs, before they flew away.. They never touched the glass. Neither my close presence nor their reflection distracted them. A perfectly, beautiful, holy moment – an answer, a sign, a blessing.
